Grandmother’s Perspective

As I sit here and reflect on August 23, 2015, I am reminded how precious life is. It started off as any Saturday. I was cleaning and preparing to go see Christina and Ian and the girls to help them pack up their house as they had officially bought another house and would be moving. I was so excited for them and the possibilities that lay ahead.

Christina was 16 weeks along and I knew she had a doctor appointment that morning. The phone rang and as I answered, my daughter was crying and I could barely make out her words, “I lost the baby”. All I remember was being confused and shocked and then disbelief as all was going along well with her pregnancy. I don’t even remember what happened next, except I told her I was on my way to help with the girls so Ian could be with her, since she was already at the hospital waiting to deliver.

To this day, I still don’t remember the drive over there (which was a two hour road trip), but by the grace of God, I made good time and stayed with the girls. Jeff, my husband (Christina’s Dad), was heading over also, but was farther behind me, because when this Momma bear got the news I couldn’t wait for anyone or anything. I had to get there. When Jeff got there we played with the girls and silently I couldn’t believe what was happening. Their world was being torn apart.

After some time, Christina called me and asked if I could come to the hospital to be with them as they were going to give her medicine to induce labor and could take hours and she wanted me there for extra support. I felt honored at first she wanted me there, but scared to death as I had no idea what to expect or even what to say. All I could say was, “I am so sorry” and give hugs and cried silently with them.

It was the longest 9 hours as I watched my daughter going through this process of discomfort and waiting for their baby to be delivered, but knowing the outcome. In a way it was beautiful as he was delivered, but so heart wrenching. I had to turn away for a moment to give the kids their moment with each other as they cleaned him up and presented him to them. I couldn’t watch their reaction as I was holding back the tears and feeling of loss. You see, it was a boy and they had 2 girls and he would have been welcomed with open arms with his sweet sisters. It felt so cruel to do this to this sweet family. I remember stepping out and standing by a window and crying and the Doctor came out to me and hugged me. She was so caring and loving and so sympathetic.

After some time passed, I went in the room and I got to hold Westin. He fit perfectly in the palm of my hand and as I stared at him, he was perfect in every way. I saw all his fingers and toes and nails and eyelids and mouth and he was beautiful. Perfectly and wonderfully made. You see, this was such a great loss after losing my parents years ago. I hadn’t experienced anything like this before and it was hard. As a mother, you always want to protect your children. When they are young and hurt you can make them feel better with a hug and a bandaid, but this time I couldn’t do anything to protect them from this sadness and grief. As we left the hospital I remember hearing a baby crying and it made my heart hurt and ache for what could have been. You see, not only did they lose a son, but we also lost a grandson that day.

The next few days were a blur as we continued to pack up their home. Crying off and on to what could have been, and the sweet angel he is now. Time does heal, but I still revisit that time and reflect on what a miracle it all was and how grateful I was to be present. Ever so grateful and thankful for all the love and prayers that were showered on this sweet family and then two years later, sweet Beckett was born.